I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
