just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
