my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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