I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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