You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
