I wanna bring you to show and tell
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
