i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
