When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
