I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
