I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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