It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize