My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
