My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
