Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
