Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
