Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
