ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize