If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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