Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
