i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
