is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
