dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we're so committed to being not committed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
