:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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