I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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