Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
