He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
