I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
