I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
