He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
