One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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