my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
