I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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