Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
