This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
