I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My life is pants optional.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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