I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
