Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
