i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
