Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
