We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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