Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
