check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
