It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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