i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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