Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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