She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
