Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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