We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
