one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
