you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
