Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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