Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
