Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
