Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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