This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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