my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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