And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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