this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
