True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
