I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
