she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
