yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
