She is in my trunk
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
