you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You took a bar mat shot.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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