I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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