girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
