Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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