good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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