i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
