I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she looked like the before picture.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
