we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
